A True Story of an Attempted Suicide

This is a true story about a man who was about to commit suicide. He was in a dark place spiritually and physically; his entire career was shattered; and he was at his end. He was on the edge of death when someone stopped him, Paul the apostle. Yes, this is a Bible story, and yes, the Bible does speak about suicide. The man about to commit suicide was his jailer, abuser, and in many ways his fellow inmate in the dungeon. 

For some background, Paul and Silas were once again wrongfully beaten and imprisoned for their faith and placed in the darkest, deepest prison possible designated for only the most evil prisoners. (Acts 16 and for more context see foot notes).While they were shackled and sitting in darkness and waste, they began to sing hymns to God in worship and the other prisoners were listening (possibly the only sweet thing they had heard in a while). As they were singing, an earthquake shook the foundation, prison doors flew open, and everyone's shackles fell off. Very cool! At least for the prisoners...

The jailer woke up and realized that all the doors had flung open and all the prisoners' restrains had fallen off, and he reached for his sword, and was about to plunge it into himself when suddenly Paul stopped him and let the jailer know all the prisoners were still there. The jailer then asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be saved?"

Leading up to this man's attempted suicide there are a few things I noticed.

1. He was in a dark place (Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually)

This man was physically in the inner prison and in complete darkness. It was designed to be a form of torture for the prisoners, but if you are guarding the prisoners in that atmosphere, you in a lot of ways would feel like a prisoner which emotionally and mentally I'm sure took a tole on him. In that day, many convicted criminals would ask for death rather than being imprisoned. Attempted suicided was also  a very common practice for prisoners, but the jailers and guards were very attentive and worked very hard to prevent it.

Then spiritually, because he was most  likely Philippian (since they were in Philippi, a Roman colony in Macedonia now modern Greece), this jailer most likely believed in the Roman-Greek gods (pretty much the same thing, but just different names - Romans stole most of the Greek gods and renamed them for themselves). Fact is, they are false gods, man-made. And even IF they were real, mythology paints them as self-serving, self indulged, inconsistent, and unreliable, and all you have to look forward to was death and the underworld. So his community's faith, if he believed it, was a depressing lie. 

2. He was surrounded by evil people daily and he had done evil things

This man was an evil man. This inner prison was not because the prisoners stole a candy from a candy shop. A lot of these prisoners were evil and deserved to be there. And Roman guards and soldiers were not too nice themselves. Their job was to instill fear into the Roman Empires enemies. Just looking at the crucifixion of Jesus and history itself, they were professional killers. They beat men from an inch of their lives; they tortured; they tormented; they killed. Prisons were designed to be hell and the jailers were intended to be Satan whether they wanted to be or not.

3. He believed lies

Next to believing in gods that weren't real, he believed the prisoners had escaped, and  he was going to die shortly or worse. In the Roman law, if a jailer allowed a prisoner to escape, he would face the same punishment as the prisoner. When the doors flew open and the bonds fell off the prisoners, the jailer knew that if the prisoners did not kill him, the Roman law would or make him wish he was dead. He let things that hadn't happened yet consume him.

So yes, maybe ending his life made sense to him at this darkest moment. BUT everything changed when Paul stopped him. Paul and Silas, if you look back in the same passage, were in a worse position than even the jailer. They were the prisoners. They had just been publicly humiliated, dragged through the streets, beaten unlawfully (they were Roman citizens) all because they walked miles and miles to this city to share about Jesus. They were placed into a filthy cell (with open wounds might I add); they were sitting in absolute darkness during the night; shackled and probably sitting in their own waste and the prisoners before them's waste, etc. They were in a DARK place. But what makes their dark place different than the jailers?

1 (and only reason). They worshipped

They took their eyes of themselves and put it on God. It actually is the first step in talking to God (aka praying). In Matthew 6, when the disciples ask Jesus how to pray, he starts off his prayer with worship to our holy Daddy (Abba means "daddy" - referring to God the Father). When we fix our eyes on the God of the universe, who spoke planets into motion and stars into existences, our problem seems a little more minute than we thought, and the same God we are worshipping can handle the problem. They still had painful, oozing open wounds on their backs, they still were in a dark and dirty cell, they were still painfully shackled, but their focus was not on themselves it was on God. That is a choice not a "feeling", a "good 'worship' atmosphere", a "good 'worship' band", etc. Click Here for more on that.

Rabbit Trail: Paul, also known named Saul, had been an EVIL man. He certainly believed lies and had been living in a spiritually dark place, but then he met Jesus. From then on, Paul is a changed man (see Acts 9), and in this story, he is in Dark place but with the God Almighty, and EVEN IF he dies, he KNOWS he has the hope of eternal glory promised to him by the God of the Universe.

Last year, my very close friend committed suicide. She had gone through a lot of hardships for years, but 4 years after we both moved back home, and we were literally on the other sides of the world, she decided to end her life after a series of hardships which I don't even know all the ins and outs of. I remember in 5th grade having suicidal thoughts, as well, but I couldn't understand what could actually make my beloved friend act on hers, and I may never know. I do not blame for this event, but this circumstance made me want to find out more about suicide to possibly save future lives or even just a life.

So I turned to the Bible, and this is the story God revealed to me. These are some lessons that I learned.

1. God caused the disaster that made him want to kill himself.

God caused the earthquake that destroyed his life, his career, his family's support, his credibility, his identity, his everything. Physically and metaphorically that earthquake shook his world. All he knew was changed, and it broke him. Understand the sovereignty of God. He knew this would bring this man to his end, and God still chose to do it.

2. God caused the disaster that saved him.

Had this man's world not collapsed, he may have never have been ready to hear the Good News of Jesus Christ. This man needed a physical saving from death, but more than that he needed a spiritual saving from eternal death and judgement from a perfect God. This hardship was God ordained, and it brought him and his whole family to Jesus and to truth.

3. God places His people in hardship to save people in hardship

If Paul and Silas had not gone through hell and found themselves sitting in the deepest, darkest prison, this man would not have been saved. After the earthquake, what shook everyone else's lives it gave them clarity of their purpose. Paul saw that this man was at his end; he had compassion on him; and he spoke truth to him. Paul, in a sense, brought light into this man's life. Then physically light was brought into this dark place. God has a purpose for hardship and what he allows into our lives.

So to someone reading this who relates to the jailer in one way or in every way, I pray that I am the "Paul" in your life bringing light and truth. You are not alone. You are loved. Your life is valuable. If God walked Paul and Silas all the way to Macedonia to get humiliated, beaten, and imprisoned in order to save an evil, dark, lonely man, why can he not save you? Your life is just as valuable.

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, do not wait. Get help! Find professional counseling. If you are the counselor, notice that Paul does not judge this man for wanting to kill himself. He saw how distraught the jailer was and had compassion on him rather than criticizing him, and through that, this man and his whole family were saved.

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Apablaza, S. (n.d.). Life in Prison in 1ad. Retrieved August 04, 2017, from https://www.scribd.com/doc/14354155/Life-in-Prison-in-1ad

I used the Bible, and my personal knowledge developed over the years.